Valentine’s Day hurt. You were led under the false flag of truce by your better half, lured into a noisy restaurant (you’ve always been a slave to your emotions), and given the ol’ Spanish elbow. The axe. And that just sucks. So after you’re done pissing and moaning, and pouring milk into the cereal box and just chugging because eat your feelings you fat-fat-fatty that’s why you’re single…consider these five places to pick your spirits up. By way of sex. Maybe.
Where: Foley’s Fireside, Forest Hills
Rebound Style: Wading in a river of existential dread (and drinking at 9 AM).
Go-to Drink: Miller High Life and whiskey out of the well.
Who To Look For: Nobody with fresh stitches in their forehead.
Chance of Success: 100%
Where: Avery Bar, Ritz Carlton, Downtown
Rebound Style: Sleeping your way to the top.
Go-to Drink: Their Signature Dirty Martini. Extra dirty. Just like you.
Who To Look For: Cougars.
Chance of Success: 50%
Where: State Park, Kendall Square
Rebound Style: Ironic
Go-To Drink: Surfers on Acid and a Genese Cream Ale.
Who To Look For: The girl with the broken heel. Or any guy not wearing an argyle sweater.
Chance Of Success: 88%
Where: Wonder Bar, Allston
Rebound Style: Dry-hump the pain away.
Go-To Drink: Flirtini (caveat: you have to say “flirtini”).
Who To Look For: Someone with that “I, too, am here to make some fresh regrettable choices” look. Anyone slightly sweaty should do.
Chance Of Success: 69%
Where: The Glass Slipper, Downtown
Rebound Style: Old-school
Go-To Drink: Whatever gives you the courage to ask out a stripper.
Who To Look For: Ideally no one named “Brockton”.
Chance Of Success: 10%